Growing through grief during the holidays
The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not “get over” the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and rebuild around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to. — Elisabeth Kübler- Ross and David Kessler
The holidays can be a particularly challenging time of year if you are grieving the death of a loved one or close friend, or if you are experiencing a major transition in your life. How do you feel joy and the warmth of connection when sadness and loss seem to be your closest companions? The following are a few suggestions for coping through the holidays:
Acknowledge and accept emotions as a normal part of the grief process. Sometimes we might be suddenly triggered by a memory, a song or a comment and find ourselves awash in a “grief burst”. These grief moments often come at an unexpected time and can be quite overwhelming and uncomfortable. Its important to know, however, that although you may be temporarily incapacitated the grief burst will pass. Breathe through it and allow yourself, if possible, to feel it in whatever way is appropriate for you. Remember that every person’s expression of grief is unique. There is no cookie cutter approach to grieving.
Set limits and lower your expectations for how you should be feeling and acting. Do what’s right for you, not what someone else expects you to do. Others may not understand the depth of your sorrow and may place unrealistic demands on you. Learn to say NO when you need to and choose which events you will attend and when you may need to be quiet.
Know that your needs and feelings may fluctuate from day to day and that it is OK to change your mind about commitments over the holidays. You may feel OK at one moment and not OK the next. Honour your needs and feelings in the process.
Consider reaching out to someone close to you who can offer support and listening. This might include a conversation with a trusted friend, a counsellor or a grief circle in your community.
Find a way to honour the memory of the person who has died and the love that remains with you. Rather than trying to push the grief away, invite it in and remember your loved one with gratitude and peace.
