As a psychotherapist, I find that particularly interesting.

Rohr suggests that life can be understood as having two broad movements. In the first half, we are largely concerned with building a life. We develop an identity, establish relationships, pursue education and careers, raise families, find our place in the world and hopefully develop a sense of security and belonging.

Perhaps this is one of the things I notice most often in my work with clients as they move through midlife and beyond. There can come a point when the things that once seemed so important no longer carry quite the same weight.

A career may change or come to an end. Children grow up and become independent. Parents die. Relationships evolve. Our bodies begin to remind us that we are not going to live forever. Goals that once motivated us may suddenly feel less compelling.

Sometimes people experience this as a crisis.

What am I doing with my life?

Is this all there is?

Who am I now?

What happens when I am no longer the person I used to be?

The second half of life involves integrating our experiences from the first half – leading to a greater understanding and awareness of the self.

Sometimes they are signs that something new is beginning.

This is where I find Rohr’s idea of “falling upward” so compelling.

The metaphor suggests that some of the experiences we interpret as falling—loss, disappointment, aging, failure, uncertainty, letting go—can actually become opportunities for psychological and spiritual growth.

But human beings have an extraordinary capacity to find meaning in what happens to us.

And sometimes the very things that disrupt our carefully constructed lives invite us to look beneath the construction.

Perhaps the person who has always been strong needs to learn how to be vulnerable.

Perhaps the person who has spent a lifetime taking care of everyone else needs to discover what it means to receive.

Perhaps someone who has defined themselves through achievement begins to wonder who they are when there is nothing left to prove.

This is where psychological growth can become less about becoming someone new and more about becoming more fully ourselves.

We begin to integrate parts of ourselves that we may have neglected.

We become more comfortable with uncertainty.

We become less interested in impressing other people.

We may even become willing to admit that some of the beliefs we carried for decades simply aren’t working anymore.

That can be uncomfortable.

The ego generally likes certainty. It likes labels and definitions. It likes knowing who we are and where we stand.

But maturity may involve developing the capacity to say:

I don’t know.

I’ve changed.

I was wrong.

I don’t need to have all the answers.

I can be both strong and vulnerable.

Perhaps this is one way of understanding Rohr’s “second half of life.” It isn’t necessarily about a particular age. It is more about a developmental shift—a movement from constructing our identity toward questioning, deepening and integrating it.

And I don’t think we have to wait until we are older to begin this process.

Sometimes a divorce starts it.

Sometimes the death of a parent.

Sometimes retirement.

Sometimes an illness.

Sometimes a career change.

Sometimes it is simply waking up one morning and realizing that the life we have carefully constructed no longer feels quite like our own.

Therapy can become a place where we explore that uncertainty without immediately trying to fix it.

Rather than asking, “How do I get back to the person I was?” we might begin asking, “Who am I becoming?”

I find that a much more interesting question.

There is also something reassuring about Rohr’s idea because it challenges our culture’s tendency to view aging primarily through the lens of decline. We certainly experience loss as we grow older. But aging can also bring something that is difficult to acquire when we are young: perspective.

We may become less impressed by appearances and more interested in authenticity.

Less concerned with winning and more interested in connection.

Less interested in certainty and more able to live with mystery.

Perhaps we begin to understand that a meaningful life isn’t necessarily the life that looks most successful from the outside.

t may be the life that feels most honest on the inside.

The goal of therapy isn’t always to help people become more successful, more productive or more confident. Sometimes the deeper work is helping someone let go of the belief that they have to be any of those things in order to be worthy.

Sometimes healing involves loosening our grip on the person we thought we were supposed to become.

And sometimes, when life knocks us off balance, the invitation isn’t to immediately stand back up.

Perhaps we can pause for a moment.

Notice where we are.

The second half of life doesn’t have to be a diminished version of the first.

It can be a different kind of life altogether—less about proving ourselves and more about knowing ourselves; less about acquiring and more about letting go; less about constructing an identity and more about becoming comfortable with the person who is underneath it.

Perhaps we spend the first half of life learning how to stand on our own.

And then, somewhere along the way, we discover that we don’t have to be quite so afraid of falling.

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This approach emphasizes making room for quiet in our daily life – something that most of us find difficult to do.  How can we truly “listen” enough to ourselves, our feelings, our passions, our disappointments and our joys?  There can be much wisdom and insight to be realized if we can nurture this part of ourselves.  We are used to looking for answers outside of ourselves.  Some ideas are as follows:

Find a time during your day when you won’t be disturbed and can sit comfortably on your own

Turn off all phones, screens, media

Gently bring your awareness to your breathing, simply following the rise and fall of each breath

When a distracting thought comes, simply return your focus to the breath

Sit quietly, without an agenda and notice what you feel in your body

Even five minutes a day is a good start, then return your focus to the room and carry on with your day

If you feel drawn to writing, you can record your experience – whatever it may be

Originally posted 2023-02-05 12:20:57.

The post Listening to the inner silence first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Interestingly, both groups reported about a 30 percent decrease in the intensity of their symptoms.  The researchers also suggest that this program can work well when delivered virtually, something that may make a mindfulness program more appealing to some people who are interested in accessing therapeutic programs in a convenient way.

Originally posted 2023-01-30 12:19:12.

The post Mindfulness alleviates anxiety first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

A few ideas to boost your emotional and mental strength:

• Give you attention to the present moment as much as is possible – learn to let go of past regret and future worries
• Practice mindfulness or other form of meditation to help you stay grounded in the present
• Practice good health habits – adequate sleep and nutrition
• Seek a supportive circle of friends and family in your life – social support helps us to thrive and weather difficult circumstances
• Develop a gratitude practice: appreciate the good in your life, avoid negativity where possible which can be contagious
• Acknowledge and accept so called “negative emotions” which are a part of every life; for example, grief after a significant loss
• Nurture a sense of purpose in your life – helping others may be one way to boost meaning in your life and make you feel good

Originally posted 2023-01-17 12:19:39.

The post Resilience is… first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

We cannot eat raw potatoes, but we don’t throw them away just because they are raw.

The following comes from one of my favourite teachers of mindfulness, the Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hand, he is telling us how we can use the energy of mindfulness to transform difficult emotions, such as anger or grief: Thanks to the illuminating light of awareness, after practising mindful observation for a while, we begin to see the primary causes of our anger.

Meditation helps us look deeply into things in order to see their nature.  If we look into our anger, we can see its roots, such as misunderstanding, clumsiness, injustice, resentment, or conditioning. These roots can be present in ourselves and in the person who played the principle role in precipitating our anger. We observe mindfully in order to be able to see and to understand.  Seeing and understanding are the elements of liberation that bring about love and compassion.  The method of mindful observation in order to see and understand the roots of the anger is a method that has lasting effectiveness.

We cannot eat raw potatoes, but we don’t throw them away just because they are raw. We know we can cook them.  So, we put them into a pot of water, put a lid on, and put the pot on the fire.

The fire is mindfulness, the practice of breathing consciously and focusing on our anger.  The lid symbolises our concentration, because it prevents the heat form going out of the pot.  When we are practising breathing in and out, looking into our anger, we need some concentration in order for our practice to be strong.  Therefore, we turn away from all distractions and focus on the problem.  If we go out into nature, among the trees and flowers, the practice is easier.

As soon as we put the pot on the fire, a change occurs.  The water begins to warm up.  Ten minutes later, it boils, but we have to keep the fire going a while longer in order to cook our potatoes.  As we practice being aware of our breathing and our anger, a transformation is already occurring.  After half an hour, we lift the lid and smell something different.  We know that we can eat our potatoes now.

Anger has been transformed into another kind of energy – understanding and compassion.

Originally posted 2022-05-16 12:17:43.

The post Anger: Cooking our Potatoes first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

“Acknowledge the feeling, give it your full, compassionate, even welcoming attention, and even if it’s only for a few seconds, drop the story line about the feeling.  This allows you to have a direct experience of it, free of interpretation.  Don’t fuel it with concepts or opinions about whether it’s good or bad.  Just be present with the sensation.  Where is it located in your body? Does it remain the same for very long?  Does it shift and change?”
-P. Chodron, “Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change.”

Originally posted 2022-05-16 12:13:38.

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In recent decades, spirituality and psychology have become more closely connected as researchers and clinicians recognize that human well-being involves more than just thoughts and behaviors. While psychotherapy traditionally focused on observable mental processes, spirituality addresses deeper questions about meaning, purpose, connection, and transcendence. Integrating these two perspectives allows for a more holistic understanding of the human experience.

One key reason for this integration is that many people naturally interpret their emotional and life challenges through a spiritual lens. Questions such as “Why am I suffering?” or “What is the purpose of my life?” often arise during psychological distress. By acknowledging spiritual beliefs and values, psychologists can better understand their clients’ motivations, coping strategies, and sources of resilience and healing.

Research in fields such as Positive Psychology has also contributed to this integration. Scholars like Martin Seligmanhave emphasized strengths, meaning, and fulfillment as essential components of well-being. Spiritual practices—such as meditation, prayer, and compassion—can support these aspects of mental health by fostering emotional regulation, gratitude, and a sense of connectedness.

Another factor is the growing evidence that spiritual practices can have measurable psychological benefits. Practices like mindfulness meditation, influenced by traditions within Buddhism, have been widely adopted in therapeutic settings. Programs such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn, demonstrate how contemplative traditions can be adapted into evidence-based psychological interventions that reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.

Integrating spirituality into psychology also promotes culturally sensitive care. Many cultures view mental health, community, and spiritual life as deeply intertwined. Recognizing spiritual perspectives allows therapists to respect clients’ worldviews and incorporate meaningful practices that support healing.

Ultimately, the integration of spirituality and psychology reflects a broader understanding of mental health. Rather than viewing people purely as biological or cognitive systems, this approach acknowledges the human search for meaning, connection, and transcendence. By working together, spirituality and psychology offer a more complete path toward psychological growth and well-being

Originally posted 2026-03-16 00:21:27.

The post Psychology and Spirituality first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Originally posted 2022-05-16 12:12:02.

The post Facing NEW Experiences first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

“To be present is to know what you need to know in the moment.  To be present to something is to allow the moment, the person, the idea, or the situation to change you.” (Breathing Underwater, 2011)

We become receptive and willing to let go of rigid programs, thoughts, beliefs and behaviours that may be holding us back from self awareness.

To practice being present, bring your focus to your breathing, even for just a few minutes and notice what it feels like.

Originally posted 2023-05-24 12:21:40.

The post What does it mean to be present? first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.