The post Oh no, is summer ending already? first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

This approach emphasizes making room for quiet in our daily life – something that most of us find difficult to do.  How can we truly “listen” enough to ourselves, our feelings, our passions, our disappointments and our joys?  There can be much wisdom and insight to be realized if we can nurture this part of ourselves.  We are used to looking for answers outside of ourselves.  Some ideas are as follows:

Find a time during your day when you won’t be disturbed and can sit comfortably on your own

Turn off all phones, screens, media

Gently bring your awareness to your breathing, simply following the rise and fall of each breath

When a distracting thought comes, simply return your focus to the breath

Sit quietly, without an agenda and notice what you feel in your body

Even five minutes a day is a good start, then return your focus to the room and carry on with your day

If you feel drawn to writing, you can record your experience – whatever it may be

Originally posted 2023-02-05 12:20:57.

The post Listening to the inner silence first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Interestingly, both groups reported about a 30 percent decrease in the intensity of their symptoms.  The researchers also suggest that this program can work well when delivered virtually, something that may make a mindfulness program more appealing to some people who are interested in accessing therapeutic programs in a convenient way.

Originally posted 2023-01-30 12:19:12.

The post Mindfulness alleviates anxiety first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

A few ideas to boost your emotional and mental strength:

• Give you attention to the present moment as much as is possible – learn to let go of past regret and future worries
• Practice mindfulness or other form of meditation to help you stay grounded in the present
• Practice good health habits – adequate sleep and nutrition
• Seek a supportive circle of friends and family in your life – social support helps us to thrive and weather difficult circumstances
• Develop a gratitude practice: appreciate the good in your life, avoid negativity where possible which can be contagious
• Acknowledge and accept so called “negative emotions” which are a part of every life; for example, grief after a significant loss
• Nurture a sense of purpose in your life – helping others may be one way to boost meaning in your life and make you feel good

Originally posted 2023-01-17 12:19:39.

The post Resilience is… first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Much of the time, though he seemed to be processing a lot on the inside, invisible to us his family and friends who could only offer our presence  and wait as the illness progressed.  As a palliative care counsellor, I was aware of the healing potential at end-of-life; not only for the patient but also for family and friends who witnessed the final transition from life to death.  And so, the time I spent by my father’s bedside – feeding him, reading to him, massaging his legs and feet, or just holding his hand – all seemed to be an invitation to a greater intimacy and connection between us.  I knew that time together was short, and wanted to spend as much with him as possible.

And now it seemed as though time had run out.  Would I get there in time to join the family in this our final journey with him, I wondered?  As I drove from the airport to where he was that night, I noticed the biggest and brightest full moon that I had ever seen.  It hung very low in the night sky and seemed to be lighting the way back, the way home.  I arrived to find some of the family at his side, my father appeared to be mostly unconscious but comfortable.  The morphine that was being given may hasten his death, we were told.  I decided to spend the night with him in his room while the others went home to get some sleep.  What could I say or do, I wondered to help him?  I decided to pray, and read a few passages from his mother’s old bible which I found near his bed.  Did he even know that I was there, reading to him, could he hear me?  I had no way of knowing and felt helpless as I watched and waited for some change.

It had been a long illness for him and for us.  The most difficult part I think, were the gradual losses that came with the decline in ability.  The loss of clear speech, the ability to write, the privilege of driving his car, and most of all his self confidence and strength.  Surrendering to these losses and to the ultimate loss of his physical presence was both emotional and frightening.  But none of us wished for his life to continue in this form and we knew that he didn’t want to go on either.

By morning there had been no visible change and so I went home to rest as other family members kept vigil in the room.  By the time I returned it was almost time for supper and someone suggested that we bring in some take out food and eat it down the hall in the family dining room.  And so that’s what we did, leaving his room to eat, all but my sister who felt that she wanted to stay near him.  As I left his room, glancing back at he and my sister, I knew clearly that his death was imminent.  Nonetheless, I left anyway, sensing that things were unfolding as they should.  Years earlier I had learned that it was sometimes the moment when the crowd gathered round the bed left to eat or grab a coffee that the patient could let go of all things earth bound and make the final transition.  It was no surprise then, when moments later, the nurse called us to return at once to his room.  At that moment as we began to walk back down the long corridor to his room  I heard the words and music of the battle hymn of the republic.  The music therapist was leading the residents in a hymn sing, “His truth is marching on…” rang out loud and clear as we returned to his room.

I believe that my father’s death impacted us all profoundly and touched us each in a unique way – not only on that cold winter day in March, but on all the days and months to come.  Someone once said that grief is as much about finding as it is about losing.  Certainly we could all agree on the many ways that we felt the sting of loss.  We missed his physical presence immensely.   That Christmas eve, the first without Dad, I thought I was doing OK until I began to carve the traditional roast beef, a job that always been his.  Suddenly I was overcome by a wave of sadness that he wasn’t with us as he should have been.  And there would be many more times in the journey of grief when that same wave would come crashing down upon me in ways that were both uncomfortable and cathartic at the same time.

The “finding” part of grief was present too – if I looked for it.  At times that was difficult, but when I asked Dad for guidance and for his presence, I was often surprised by the results.  After his death, the night nurse shared with us her last conversation with him,

just before he slipped into unconsciousness.  Again, the request for his words of wisdom, as she made her nightly rounds.  His reply this time was just one word – the last that he likely spoke to anyone: happiness.  It seemed that perhaps he wanted to leave us with one final truth, one last charge – to find happiness.  Or, was he telling her that he had in fact found happiness at the end, and was finally in a place of peace.  A few weeks later, my sister-in-law gave me a small charm on a necklace as a gift in the shape of a Chinese character.  I had no idea of its significance until I was chatting with a neighbor of my parents while wearing it.  “What is that you have around your neck?” she asked.  I replied that it had been a gift.  She took a closer look and declared, “Oh! It means happiness!”  I was astonished.  There was his word again – happiness, and now I was wearing it around my neck! Ever since, I have been left with a quest of sorts, to learn the meaning of happiness in my life.

Originally posted 2022-11-27 12:18:24.

The post Living through Loss first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

We cannot eat raw potatoes, but we don’t throw them away just because they are raw.

The following comes from one of my favourite teachers of mindfulness, the Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hand, he is telling us how we can use the energy of mindfulness to transform difficult emotions, such as anger or grief: Thanks to the illuminating light of awareness, after practising mindful observation for a while, we begin to see the primary causes of our anger.

Meditation helps us look deeply into things in order to see their nature.  If we look into our anger, we can see its roots, such as misunderstanding, clumsiness, injustice, resentment, or conditioning. These roots can be present in ourselves and in the person who played the principle role in precipitating our anger. We observe mindfully in order to be able to see and to understand.  Seeing and understanding are the elements of liberation that bring about love and compassion.  The method of mindful observation in order to see and understand the roots of the anger is a method that has lasting effectiveness.

We cannot eat raw potatoes, but we don’t throw them away just because they are raw. We know we can cook them.  So, we put them into a pot of water, put a lid on, and put the pot on the fire.

The fire is mindfulness, the practice of breathing consciously and focusing on our anger.  The lid symbolises our concentration, because it prevents the heat form going out of the pot.  When we are practising breathing in and out, looking into our anger, we need some concentration in order for our practice to be strong.  Therefore, we turn away from all distractions and focus on the problem.  If we go out into nature, among the trees and flowers, the practice is easier.

As soon as we put the pot on the fire, a change occurs.  The water begins to warm up.  Ten minutes later, it boils, but we have to keep the fire going a while longer in order to cook our potatoes.  As we practice being aware of our breathing and our anger, a transformation is already occurring.  After half an hour, we lift the lid and smell something different.  We know that we can eat our potatoes now.

Anger has been transformed into another kind of energy – understanding and compassion.

Originally posted 2022-05-16 12:17:43.

The post Anger: Cooking our Potatoes first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

The counterpart to the fight flight or freeze response, the relaxation response, occurs when the body is no longer in perceived danger, and the autonomic nervous system functioning returns to normal. The relaxation response is the opposite of your body’s stress response—your “off switch” to your body’s tendency toward fight-or-flight.

During the relaxation response, the body moves toward a state of physiological relaxation, where blood pressure, heart rate, digestive functioning, and hormonal levels return to normal levels. The fight-or-flight state is one of physiological arousal, including increased heart rate and blood pressure, slowed digestive functioning, increased blood flow to the extremities, increased release of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, and other responses preparing the body to protect itself from perceived danger or stress (E. Scott, 2020).

Chronic or prolonged periods of stress or perceived threat can keep us locked in a state of hyper arousal, which may be damaging to our physical and mental well-being.  Some people may be experiencing this now due to the exceptional circumstances that we are all adapting to.

Meditation is one approach that promotes the relaxation response and can be a helpful strategy to find your personal balance in uncertain times.

A daily practice allows for a “time out” from worry about an uncertain future.  It can be a powerful way to ground yourself in the present moment, giving your mind and your body a much needed respite.

There are many different methods or types of practice that are helpful.  The important thing is to find one that works for you.

Mindfulness is one approach that has been introduced into mainstream awareness in recent years and has generated a myriad of research on its beneficial effects.  Simply stated, mindfulness is about learning to be present; to notice with full attention your experience.  I think Thich Nat Hanh, the buddhist monk who has written much about this topic, says it best:

“Breathing in, I calm my body.” Reciting this line is like drinking a glass of cool lemonade on a hot day—you can feel the coolness permeate your body. When I breathe in and recite this line, I actually feel my breath calming my body and mind.

“Breathing out, I smile.” You know a smile can relax hundreds of muscles in your face. Wearing a smile on your face is a sign that you are master of yourself.

“Dwelling in the present moment.” While I sit here, I don’t think of anything else. I sit here, and I know exactly where I am.

“I know this is a wonderful moment.” It is a joy to sit, stable and at ease, and return to our breathing, our smiling, our true nature. Our appointment with life is in the present moment. If we do not have peace and joy right now, when will we have peace and joy—-tomorrow, or after tomorrow? What is preventing us from being happy right now?

As we follow our breathing, we can say, simply, “Calming, Smiling, Present moment, Wonderful moment.”

While this may seem like a simple approach, most of us find that it is not an easy thing to do!  We are used to multi tasking and often find that our thoughts are focused on past events, or things yet to come.

With a gentle practice each day, simply returning to an awareness of your breath, produces gradual and noticeable changes.  Don’t just do something , sit there!  Try it.

Next time – how meditation can enhance emotional regulation and equanimity

Originally posted 2022-05-16 12:17:05.

The post Why meditate? first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

“Acknowledge the feeling, give it your full, compassionate, even welcoming attention, and even if it’s only for a few seconds, drop the story line about the feeling.  This allows you to have a direct experience of it, free of interpretation.  Don’t fuel it with concepts or opinions about whether it’s good or bad.  Just be present with the sensation.  Where is it located in your body? Does it remain the same for very long?  Does it shift and change?”
-P. Chodron, “Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change.”

Originally posted 2022-05-16 12:13:38.

The post Living is a form of not being sure first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Psychological flexibility also includes a willingness to be open to all emotions and reactions, even ones that are difficult or painful.  Life does sometimes involve painful loss and grief and trying to avoid these states may be more harmful than helpful.  Mindfulness and openness can be a vehicle to move through all states with acceptance and letting go.

Finally, psychological flexibility also involves the skill of valued engagement which means finding your purpose in life and actively living that purpose.  It may involve finding out what is really important to you – for example family, meaningful work, and working toward a goal that is uniquely yours.  In other words, having a reason to get up each morning and live your day.  It can be challenge to know what exactly that is in your life, finding a skilled therapist can assist you in uncovering

*S. Hayes, 2023

Originally posted 2025-11-16 09:13:20.

The post What are the ingredients for successful therapy? first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

• Anthony Storr

Time in solitude –  time with just yourself – can be unsettling and uncomfortable for many people.  We may avoid it at all costs and focus instead on filling up our days with the company of others.  Of course, relationships are an important part of a full life and can provide us with enjoyment, meaning and pleasure.  I believe that for many of us, quality time spent with ourselves is equally needed, especially in the midst of our hustle and bustle modern lifestyle.  At times we may avoid being alone in our own company because it scares us.  Difficult emotions that we have been running from might surface if we’re quiet.  There is usually some type of distraction that prevents us from fully being present with ourselves.  Perhaps it’s excessive screen time, addictive behaviours such as alcohol consumption or chronic activity levels that prevent us from needed rest and down time.  It may be easier to avoid looking within because we are not sure what we will find there.

Time spent alone can be healing and when we stop, look and listen to our internal  process we can find the answers that we may be searching for.  This “inner self” may be called the still small voice of intuition that is there to guide us.  Often times in life, we seek answers from an external source when in reality the wisdom we need lies within us.  When we spend time alone we can begin to tune into that part of ourselves, listening with compassion and curiosity to our needs, feelings and fears.

If this process sounds difficult, you can begin slowly to experiment with quiet alone time.  Some suggestions:

*Find a spot in nature that is peaceful and still and notice how you feel without any other distractions

*Purchase a journal or notebook and begin to record your experiences there.  Simply write down whatever comes to mind without the need to achieve anything

*Practice mindfully following your breath and notice what you experience

*Schedule some alone time when you can, even if it feels uncomfortable at first

Begin to connect with yourself in a way that honors the unique person that you are, and know that you can tap into a deep well of resource within.

Originally posted 2026-02-04 03:03:45.

The post The Healing Nature of Solitude first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.