Many of us lead busy lives – it’s an often heard lament – “ I don’t know where the time goes – I’m so busy!.”  And yet if we are so preoccupied with the doing side of ourselves, we may miss the beauty of the present moment.  Having worked with many persons who are facing a terminal diagnosis, I’ve learned from them the importance of slowing down and finding meaning in the everyday simple things that may be missed when we are rushing around.  Facing our mortality can be a gift if we take the time to prioritize the important things in life.  Often, this involves those persons in our lives that mean the most.  One of my clients who was nearing end of life told me, “It’s all about relationship.”  We may fall into the trap of thinking that our happiness comes from purchasing a new car, buying a bigger home or getting that promotion at work.  While these things may bring a sense of satisfaction and feeling of success, they don’t necessarily give us a lasting sense of peace or even fulfillment.  When we look back on a life well lived most of us will remember the ones that we loved, learned from and grew with.  It may not be about our possessions, but the memories that we make along the way with those that we love and cherish.  We don’t have to wait to slow down and get in touch with our being side – after all, we are human beings, not human doings.

Take time to think about what your priorities are and where you are putting your energy.  Find out what is truly important to you and what gives your life meaning and purpose and then focus on that.

Michael Singer writes:

“Don’t be afraid of death. Let it free you. Let it encourage you to experience life
fully. But remember, it’s not your life. You should be experiencing the life that’s
happening to you, not the one you wish was happening. Don’t waste a moment
of life trying to make other things happen, appreciate the moments you are
given.”

(The Untethered Soul)

Originally posted 2025-09-27 16:59:01.

The post Prioritize the Important Things in Life first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Resilience can be defined as the ability to recover quickly from an illness or set back, recover strength  or the ability to remain centered and able to cope with change and uncertainty

The great mystic Rumi, who lived in the thirteenth century left us with an essential key in the quest for a peaceful mind: “The moment you accept the troubles you’ve been given, the door opens.”

You may be wondering how acceptance of the challenges in your life could possibly lead you to a positive outcome.  But acceptance is the beginning or first step on the path to well-being.  Once we become more aware of our habitual and negative, limiting belief patterns, we can then begin the work of understanding and eventually transforming them. Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese monk and peace activist who wrote and lectured extensively on finding peace and balance, taught the practice of mindfulness as a way of awareness.  By practicing mindful awareness we turn our focus inward, perhaps by becoming aware of our breath in each moment.  In this moment, we are no longer running away from our emotions and the stress in our lives.  We are compassionately facing our fears and our struggles, the tension in our body and our addictive patterns of escape from our own selves.

Through the process of mindful observation, we begin to see how we might be blocking our well-being unintentionally.  Becoming more resilient, we begin to make choices that better support health and happiness.  Some roadblocks to resilience include negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and the future, which can lead to depression.  Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a type of intervention that can help us to transform our beliefs into positive and realistic expectations for health and success.   Irrational thoughts, also known as cognitive distortions, are patterns of thinking that are not based in reality and can lead to negative emotions and behaviors. Common categories include all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, emotional reasoning, and personalization. These distortions can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. We can learn to adopt a more resilient mindset by practicing positive, realistic thoughts and beliefs that will promote our happiness and contribute to a life that is meaningful and has purpose. 

 If you would like to learn more about resilience, or how to change your thinking to a growth mindset it may be helpful to contact a mental health therapist who can assist you in reaching your goals.

Originally posted 2025-09-13 17:16:26.

The post Becoming Resilient first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Pride: A Time for Celebration and Advocacy

As many communities across Canada prepare to celebrate Pride month the feeling of hope and resilience is palpable. Pride is a time to lift up our voices and to experience the joy of being together and acknowledging the journey toward wholeness and authenticity. It can also be a time for advocacy and indeed protest as we continue to proclaim and protect the rights of 2SLGBTQ+ people worldwide.

Inclusion in Hospice Palliative Care

Hospice Palliative Care also seeks to include all people in the effort to support individuals and families at end of life, and through bereavement. Historically many organizations have not included 2SLGBTQ persons in the circle of care, either through a misunderstanding of our needs or simply by not recognizing how to offer a welcoming and inclusive environment.

Understanding Grief in 2SLGBTQ+ Lives

Grief is the natural response to love and loss that we will all experience, each in our own manner throughout the lifetime. For a gay or transgendered person, the journey to self acceptance is often a tumultuous one. Although we now might take for granted the protection offered through the human rights act in Canada for 2SLGBTQ+ people, as recently as the 1990’s gay civil servants could be terminated if their sexual orientation was discovered. In 2017 a historic apology from the federal government was offered to those individuals whose lives and careers were destroyed as a result of laws and policies that were discriminatory and unjust.

The Emotional Toll of Marginalization

Norman Cousins who wrote extensively about the challenges of living with a life-limiting diagnosis once said, “Death is not the greatest loss in life; the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”

Many 2SLGBTQ+ persons have experienced the pain of being different from a young age. Bullying, violence and isolation may have led us to believe that we were somehow flawed. As Alan Downs explores in his book, “The Velvet Rage” the tendency to hide our true selves is very strong. We may have learned to mask our true feelings and self, developing a public persona that we thought was acceptable to the outside world.

Barriers to Grief Expression

Early life experiences of isolation, trauma and fear that are common in the lives of many 2SLGBTQ+ individuals may lead to later challenges in the expression of grief when a loved one dies.

Grief is a unique experience for everyone and there is no right or wrong way to express our loss. Our North American culture may treat grief like an illness to be cured, or a problem that needs to be solved, packed up, and put away.

For queer persons there may often be a lack of support or an estrangement from family who are not accepting or understanding of their son, daughter or sibling. There might also be an inability to acknowledge the painful aspects of the loss due to the “masking” tendency developed as a survival strategy throughout life.

Creating Inclusive Grief Support

Healing through grief includes acceptance of ourselves as we are, and our unique expressions of emotions and struggle. While this may be more difficult for 2SLGBTQ+ persons, I believe that it is possible to find a way through. Educating and empowering organizations to support us in our experience of loss is a path forward. Too often well-meaning hospice and other community-based agencies have not fostered a culture of inclusiveness and belonging.

Service organizations can take meaningful steps to relieve unintentional barriers to care by:

• Honouring pronouns and fostering belonging through inclusive language.
• Adapting intake forms to reflect chosen names and preferred address.
• Displaying Pride flags and 2SLGBTQ+ symbols in visible spaces.
• Embedding inclusion in mission statements and values along with a non-discrimination policy.
• Offering queer-friendly services such as individual support and 2SLGBTQ+ grief circles.
• Training staff in community-specific needs and cultural competency.

A Path Forward

By prioritizing inclusivity, everyone – regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity – will know that they are welcomed and accepted and have found a place to honour their unique expression of grief. And, to receive support that may be an essential part of the healing journey.

Self acceptance, safety, and the positive regard of others in our life are essential ingredients for resilience and healing.

Originally posted 2025-06-27 13:22:59.

The post Grief and bereavement in the 2SLGBTQ+ community: exploring challenges and resilience first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Today we gather as a community of mourners, each of us drawn here by a common thread as we seek to remember and honor the life of a person who is special to us.  We are each grieving a loss, we remember how life used to be and we are trying to re build our lives as best as we can.  Some days it’s a challenge, seeking to grieve and to care for ourselves wanting to find healing in the pain of loss.

My own mother died one year ago today and I am grateful for her life and for what she taught me – the importance of community, to always be kind, and to believe in myself.  But I also struggle with her absence – and at times feel lost as I try to adjust to “the new normal” without her.  As you know, when someone you love dies, you can’t go backwards and change the things that you might have wished went differently.  Life as we know it, will never be quite the same again. We ask many questions – why did this happen?  Could we have done more? Been more forgiving, compassionate, aware? And so we move through our grief without necessarily having any answers  – sometimes clumsy, tentative, unsure and sometimes in spite of ourselves.

Someone once described grief as a “journey through the wilderness” meaning that we don’t have a map as we’ve never travelled this way before.  We may feel scared, angry and alone.  Yes, we will have experienced other losses and griefs, but this one is unique because our relationship with our loved one was unique and special.  Our life is changed and we can’t go back – we must move forward, one day at a time.  And so one thing that helps me on this grief journey –  is to try and remain in the present as much as I can – if I think too far ahead I feel anxious.  Each day we take another step forward, maybe some days reluctantly even when we don’t want to, but life for us and those around us, does go on.

Each of us here today will have a different experience – “your grief is as unique as your thumbprint.”  There is no one right way to grieve, to love, to live.  But even though we are different – we are also united by our grief.  I know that others can understand to a degree – what I am feeling because they are too, in their  own way.  Coming together today. –  to share stories, view the pictures of our loved ones, to cry, to laugh, to heal – is important because it helps us.  And so we honour our grieving, our loving and our healing.  This is a sacred path and one that will transform us in ways that are unexpected, perhaps uncomfortable at times and also amazing.  So as we release the beautiful butterflies, symbols of new life and of freedom, may we each receive the gift of hope and transformation.

Originally posted 2023-06-19 12:22:00.

The post Grieving the death of a parent first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

“To be present is to know what you need to know in the moment.  To be present to something is to allow the moment, the person, the idea, or the situation to change you.” (Breathing Underwater, 2011)

We become receptive and willing to let go of rigid programs, thoughts, beliefs and behaviours that may be holding us back from self awareness.

To practice being present, bring your focus to your breathing, even for just a few minutes and notice what it feels like.

Originally posted 2023-05-24 12:21:40.

The post What does it mean to be present? first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

This approach emphasizes making room for quiet in our daily life – something that most of us find difficult to do.  How can we truly “listen” enough to ourselves, our feelings, our passions, our disappointments and our joys?  There can be much wisdom and insight to be realized if we can nurture this part of ourselves.  We are used to looking for answers outside of ourselves.  Some ideas are as follows:

Find a time during your day when you won’t be disturbed and can sit comfortably on your own

Turn off all phones, screens, media

Gently bring your awareness to your breathing, simply following the rise and fall of each breath

When a distracting thought comes, simply return your focus to the breath

Sit quietly, without an agenda and notice what you feel in your body

Even five minutes a day is a good start, then return your focus to the room and carry on with your day

If you feel drawn to writing, you can record your experience – whatever it may be

Originally posted 2023-02-05 12:20:57.

The post Listening to the inner silence first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Interestingly, both groups reported about a 30 percent decrease in the intensity of their symptoms.  The researchers also suggest that this program can work well when delivered virtually, something that may make a mindfulness program more appealing to some people who are interested in accessing therapeutic programs in a convenient way.

Originally posted 2023-01-30 12:19:12.

The post Mindfulness alleviates anxiety first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

“Acknowledge the feeling, give it your full, compassionate, even welcoming attention, and even if it’s only for a few seconds, drop the story line about the feeling.  This allows you to have a direct experience of it, free of interpretation.  Don’t fuel it with concepts or opinions about whether it’s good or bad.  Just be present with the sensation.  Where is it located in your body? Does it remain the same for very long?  Does it shift and change?”
-P. Chodron, “Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change.”

Originally posted 2022-05-16 12:13:38.

The post Living is a form of not being sure first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

• Anthony Storr

Time in solitude –  time with just yourself – can be unsettling and uncomfortable for many people.  We may avoid it at all costs and focus instead on filling up our days with the company of others.  Of course, relationships are an important part of a full life and can provide us with enjoyment, meaning and pleasure.  I believe that for many of us, quality time spent with ourselves is equally needed, especially in the midst of our hustle and bustle modern lifestyle.  At times we may avoid being alone in our own company because it scares us.  Difficult emotions that we have been running from might surface if we’re quiet.  There is usually some type of distraction that prevents us from fully being present with ourselves.  Perhaps it’s excessive screen time, addictive behaviours such as alcohol consumption or chronic activity levels that prevent us from needed rest and down time.  It may be easier to avoid looking within because we are not sure what we will find there.

Time spent alone can be healing and when we stop, look and listen to our internal  process we can find the answers that we may be searching for.  This “inner self” may be called the still small voice of intuition that is there to guide us.  Often times in life, we seek answers from an external source when in reality the wisdom we need lies within us.  When we spend time alone we can begin to tune into that part of ourselves, listening with compassion and curiosity to our needs, feelings and fears.

If this process sounds difficult, you can begin slowly to experiment with quiet alone time.  Some suggestions:

*Find a spot in nature that is peaceful and still and notice how you feel without any other distractions

*Purchase a journal or notebook and begin to record your experiences there.  Simply write down whatever comes to mind without the need to achieve anything

*Practice mindfully following your breath and notice what you experience

*Schedule some alone time when you can, even if it feels uncomfortable at first

Begin to connect with yourself in a way that honors the unique person that you are, and know that you can tap into a deep well of resource within.

The post The Healing Nature of Solitude first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.