Many of us lead busy lives – it’s an often heard lament – “ I don’t know where the time goes – I’m so busy!.”  And yet if we are so preoccupied with the doing side of ourselves, we may miss the beauty of the present moment.  Having worked with many persons who are facing a terminal diagnosis, I’ve learned from them the importance of slowing down and finding meaning in the everyday simple things that may be missed when we are rushing around.  Facing our mortality can be a gift if we take the time to prioritize the important things in life.  Often, this involves those persons in our lives that mean the most.  One of my clients who was nearing end of life told me, “It’s all about relationship.”  We may fall into the trap of thinking that our happiness comes from purchasing a new car, buying a bigger home or getting that promotion at work.  While these things may bring a sense of satisfaction and feeling of success, they don’t necessarily give us a lasting sense of peace or even fulfillment.  When we look back on a life well lived most of us will remember the ones that we loved, learned from and grew with.  It may not be about our possessions, but the memories that we make along the way with those that we love and cherish.  We don’t have to wait to slow down and get in touch with our being side – after all, we are human beings, not human doings.

Take time to think about what your priorities are and where you are putting your energy.  Find out what is truly important to you and what gives your life meaning and purpose and then focus on that.

Michael Singer writes:

“Don’t be afraid of death. Let it free you. Let it encourage you to experience life
fully. But remember, it’s not your life. You should be experiencing the life that’s
happening to you, not the one you wish was happening. Don’t waste a moment
of life trying to make other things happen, appreciate the moments you are
given.”

(The Untethered Soul)

Originally posted 2025-09-27 16:59:01.

The post Prioritize the Important Things in Life first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Resilience can be defined as the ability to recover quickly from an illness or set back, recover strength  or the ability to remain centered and able to cope with change and uncertainty

The great mystic Rumi, who lived in the thirteenth century left us with an essential key in the quest for a peaceful mind: “The moment you accept the troubles you’ve been given, the door opens.”

You may be wondering how acceptance of the challenges in your life could possibly lead you to a positive outcome.  But acceptance is the beginning or first step on the path to well-being.  Once we become more aware of our habitual and negative, limiting belief patterns, we can then begin the work of understanding and eventually transforming them. Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese monk and peace activist who wrote and lectured extensively on finding peace and balance, taught the practice of mindfulness as a way of awareness.  By practicing mindful awareness we turn our focus inward, perhaps by becoming aware of our breath in each moment.  In this moment, we are no longer running away from our emotions and the stress in our lives.  We are compassionately facing our fears and our struggles, the tension in our body and our addictive patterns of escape from our own selves.

Through the process of mindful observation, we begin to see how we might be blocking our well-being unintentionally.  Becoming more resilient, we begin to make choices that better support health and happiness.  Some roadblocks to resilience include negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and the future, which can lead to depression.  Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a type of intervention that can help us to transform our beliefs into positive and realistic expectations for health and success.   Irrational thoughts, also known as cognitive distortions, are patterns of thinking that are not based in reality and can lead to negative emotions and behaviors. Common categories include all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, emotional reasoning, and personalization. These distortions can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. We can learn to adopt a more resilient mindset by practicing positive, realistic thoughts and beliefs that will promote our happiness and contribute to a life that is meaningful and has purpose. 

 If you would like to learn more about resilience, or how to change your thinking to a growth mindset it may be helpful to contact a mental health therapist who can assist you in reaching your goals.

Originally posted 2025-09-13 17:16:26.

The post Becoming Resilient first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

Pride: A Time for Celebration and Advocacy

As many communities across Canada prepare to celebrate Pride month the feeling of hope and resilience is palpable. Pride is a time to lift up our voices and to experience the joy of being together and acknowledging the journey toward wholeness and authenticity. It can also be a time for advocacy and indeed protest as we continue to proclaim and protect the rights of 2SLGBTQ+ people worldwide.

Inclusion in Hospice Palliative Care

Hospice Palliative Care also seeks to include all people in the effort to support individuals and families at end of life, and through bereavement. Historically many organizations have not included 2SLGBTQ persons in the circle of care, either through a misunderstanding of our needs or simply by not recognizing how to offer a welcoming and inclusive environment.

Understanding Grief in 2SLGBTQ+ Lives

Grief is the natural response to love and loss that we will all experience, each in our own manner throughout the lifetime. For a gay or transgendered person, the journey to self acceptance is often a tumultuous one. Although we now might take for granted the protection offered through the human rights act in Canada for 2SLGBTQ+ people, as recently as the 1990’s gay civil servants could be terminated if their sexual orientation was discovered. In 2017 a historic apology from the federal government was offered to those individuals whose lives and careers were destroyed as a result of laws and policies that were discriminatory and unjust.

The Emotional Toll of Marginalization

Norman Cousins who wrote extensively about the challenges of living with a life-limiting diagnosis once said, “Death is not the greatest loss in life; the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”

Many 2SLGBTQ+ persons have experienced the pain of being different from a young age. Bullying, violence and isolation may have led us to believe that we were somehow flawed. As Alan Downs explores in his book, “The Velvet Rage” the tendency to hide our true selves is very strong. We may have learned to mask our true feelings and self, developing a public persona that we thought was acceptable to the outside world.

Barriers to Grief Expression

Early life experiences of isolation, trauma and fear that are common in the lives of many 2SLGBTQ+ individuals may lead to later challenges in the expression of grief when a loved one dies.

Grief is a unique experience for everyone and there is no right or wrong way to express our loss. Our North American culture may treat grief like an illness to be cured, or a problem that needs to be solved, packed up, and put away.

For queer persons there may often be a lack of support or an estrangement from family who are not accepting or understanding of their son, daughter or sibling. There might also be an inability to acknowledge the painful aspects of the loss due to the “masking” tendency developed as a survival strategy throughout life.

Creating Inclusive Grief Support

Healing through grief includes acceptance of ourselves as we are, and our unique expressions of emotions and struggle. While this may be more difficult for 2SLGBTQ+ persons, I believe that it is possible to find a way through. Educating and empowering organizations to support us in our experience of loss is a path forward. Too often well-meaning hospice and other community-based agencies have not fostered a culture of inclusiveness and belonging.

Service organizations can take meaningful steps to relieve unintentional barriers to care by:

• Honouring pronouns and fostering belonging through inclusive language.
• Adapting intake forms to reflect chosen names and preferred address.
• Displaying Pride flags and 2SLGBTQ+ symbols in visible spaces.
• Embedding inclusion in mission statements and values along with a non-discrimination policy.
• Offering queer-friendly services such as individual support and 2SLGBTQ+ grief circles.
• Training staff in community-specific needs and cultural competency.

A Path Forward

By prioritizing inclusivity, everyone – regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity – will know that they are welcomed and accepted and have found a place to honour their unique expression of grief. And, to receive support that may be an essential part of the healing journey.

Self acceptance, safety, and the positive regard of others in our life are essential ingredients for resilience and healing.

Originally posted 2025-06-27 13:22:59.

The post Grief and bereavement in the 2SLGBTQ+ community: exploring challenges and resilience first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.

The holidays can be a particularly challenging time of year if you are grieving the death of a loved one or close friend, or if you are experiencing a major transition in your life.  How do you feel joy and the warmth of connection when sadness and loss seem to be your closest companions?  The following are a few suggestions for coping through the holidays:

Acknowledge and accept emotions as a normal part of the grief process.  Sometimes we might be suddenly triggered by a memory, a song or a comment and find ourselves awash in a “grief burst”. These grief moments often come at an unexpected time and can be quite overwhelming and uncomfortable.  Its important to know, however, that although you may be temporarily incapacitated the grief burst will pass.  Breathe through it and allow yourself, if possible, to feel it in whatever way is appropriate for you.  Remember that every person’s expression of grief is unique.  There is no cookie cutter approach to grieving.

Set limits and lower your expectations for how you should be feeling and acting.  Do what’s right for you, not what someone else expects you to do.  Others may not understand the depth of your sorrow and may place unrealistic demands on you.  Learn to say NO when you need to and choose which events you will attend and when you may need to be quiet.

Know that your needs and feelings may fluctuate from day to day and that it is OK to change your mind about commitments over the holidays.  You may feel OK at one moment and not OK the next.  Honour your needs and feelings in the process.

Consider reaching out to someone close to you who can offer support and listening.  This might include a conversation with a trusted friend, a counsellor or a grief circle in your community.   

Find a way to honour the memory of the person who has died and the love that remains with you.  Rather than trying to push the grief away, invite it in and remember your loved one with gratitude and peace.

The post Growing through grief during the holidays first appeared on Geoff Straw - Counselling.